@samalmightysam: I wanted to kill myself by drinking 100 beers, but when I finished my second one, I felt much better.
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@djdarrellripley: Look, I know you really miss her. But, you know what? Sometimes things aren't meant to be. One time I really wanted this waffle....
@KeetPotato: me: [trying to pronounce gnocchi] "gnocc gnocc-" waiter: "who's there? haha" me: "this isn't a joke son"
@Julescoop: The real power of a man... Is the size of the smile on his woman's face sitting next to him.
@thedayofthedot: i hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore. facebook friends suck.