@samalmightysam: I wanted to kill myself by drinking 100 beers, but when I finished my second one, I felt much better.
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@WoodyLuvsCoffee: If you love something, set it free. If it returns, it probably can't pay its student loans.
@heykarlin: I feel bad for the children of Vegans because no one gets found when their picture's on the back of unsweetened organic almond milk.
@JesKeepSwimming: I'm sorry if I looked interested. You probably caught me fantasizing about bacon.