@carlielyn: I wanted to lose 10 pounds this year. Only 13 to go.
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@Stexcy: Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [spooky noise comes from my closet] monster under my bed: you heard that too right
@scot4bz: I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and still haven't pooped it out. I'm getting really concerned.
@Ben_Langley_: When I'm bored, I like to hold wedding ceremonies for my kitchen utensils. "I now pronounce you pan and knife."