@Black__Elvis: I wanted to major in marine biology but those guys get pretty upset when you follow them into the latrine with a tape measure.
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@Carbosly: There's this guy at work who's giving his wife a gym membership & a vegetable juicer for her birthday tomorrow. His name was Tom.
@Sheila_Mac420: Sometimes, I just want to be taken seriously. And sometimes, I just want to be taken, seriously.
@DaveTheAlbino: Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.
@dumbbeezie: I startled my dog as she was peeing on a mailbox so now the dog she was leaving a message for is only gonna get half of it