@Black__Elvis: I wanted to major in marine biology but those guys get pretty upset when you follow them into the latrine with a tape measure.
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@aveuaskew: Witnessing a person attempt to use a word that is beyond their comprehension is like watching a dog eat a bee.
@audipenny: [speaking very loudly to no one trying to impress someone nearby] Man what am I going to do with all these hens
@TheToddWilliams: THEO VAN GOGH: I can’t believe you lost your other ear in a poker game VINCENT VAN GOGH: What?