@Black__Elvis: I wanted to major in marine biology but those guys get pretty upset when you follow them into the latrine with a tape measure.
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@iwearaonesie: if you want your wife to take you seriously, don't throw your sippy cup during an argument
@ChipKellysBalls: Why is it the the people who drink the most Red Bull are the people who seem to have the least going on?
@NJFreudian: I think twitter is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
@Maxine12333: The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.