@InternetHippo: I was 13 the first time I tried probiotics. Some kids were passing a cup of yogurt around at a party. I figured why not? Now I’m in prison.
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@RamblingMachine: Reflections on this mirror appear uglier than they really are because of the erroneous standards of beauty set by our judgemental society.
@KentWGraham: If you text your boss that you can’t come in and include the poop emoji, he doesn’t ask any questions.
@TheTweetOfGod: If "the word impossible is not in your vocabulary", you have a pretty limited vocabulary.