@lukeoneil47: I was 17 having dinner w new gf's parents. Pooped. 1st flush didn't take. I got nervous they'd hear a 2nd so I threw the turd out the window
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@icecube: Stealing endorsements is not how you become the president of the United States, homie. Leave my name out ya mouth...
@AnOrangeSNES: *grabs walmart intercom* WHY DID YOU LET ME GRAB THIS INTERCOM? I DON'T EVEN WORK HERE *fighting noises* YOU'RE GONNA LOSE YOUR JOB
@mrjohndarby: People who say 'mayo' instead of 'mayonnaise' live 12 years longer cos of all the time they save