@lukeoneil47: I was 17 having dinner w new gf's parents. Pooped. 1st flush didn't take. I got nervous they'd hear a 2nd so I threw the turd out the window
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@Parentpains: This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
@LizHackett: God returns to his desk with a midnight snack. He squints at a video feed of Earth. The plate of nachos falls to the floor in slow motion.
@yungsweater: Bro do you even-- Bro I do. *eyes begin to tear up* *fist bumping until the sun rises*