@lovemydogduck: I was 3 yrs old when my mom was diagnosed with my brother.
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@SlabBaconBP: I find that the secret to not being insecure is to just be better than everybody at everything while being incredibly good looking.
@OldSpookMan: A homeless guy asked me "would you give me $5 for a sandwich?" I said "I don't know man, show me the sandwich first."
@TomTheWicked: Daughter: why does that guy with the whistle keep interrupting the football game? Me: because mommy isn't there to do it.
@DanMentos: Today I learned two things: 1. Build-A-Bear Workshop only lets you stuff fake animals 2. Mall security guards get to use real handcuffs