@Coastiefish: I was a pizza delivery guy once, but only for a day. They gave me 12 pizzas to deliver and I just never came back.
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@Vinnie_Maselli: [holds up bread] "This is my body" [holds up wine] "this is my blood" [holds up puppy] "and this is my new pet" [apostles go fricken nuts]
@AndrewNadeau0: INVENTOR OF GLUE: I bet if we melt that horse we could use it to stick stuff to other stuff. TIM: Dude…is everything okay at home?
@ThisOneSayz: *getting caught filling up neighbor's trash can* Omg Karen, I just looove your trash can! Where did you get it?
@rhysjamesy: So cute how this taxi driver is taking an unnecessarily long route and driving slowly so he gets to spend more time with me.