@Coastiefish: I was a pizza delivery guy once, but only for a day. They gave me 12 pizzas to deliver and I just never came back.
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@JasonLastname: Accidentally pronounced wifi as "wifey" and the hotel concierge said the password's helping out around the house and being a good listener.
@Karate_Horse: [robbery in progress in the store I'm at] *quickly remembers training from karate school* *bows to robber* *is kicked in head so hard*
@hobo_hands: Having swords for arms was a terrible first wish but it was a genie and I blurt weird things out when I panic.