@LaceyNycole: I was able to secretly eat an entire candy bar with my toddler in the same room so the CIA should be hiring me any minute now.
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@OfficialMizGin: I hate it when a guy pulls out a chair in front of me. I’m never sure if he’s a gentleman or a chair thief.
@thequeensheart: Who’s soul do I have to sell in order for my eyeliner to come out even on both eyes?
@_ElvishPresley_: Ground Control: the papers want to know whose shirts you wear! Major Tom: tell my wife I love her very— Ground Control: WHAT SHIRTS TOM