@juliussharpe: I was at the beach and the lifeguard blew his whistle at me. Dude, I'm 40. I'm not listening to a teenager in a bathing suit.
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@Reverend_Scott: Obama: Wave at the people, Joe. Biden: IMMA POINT AT'EM Obama: Please just wave. Biden:
@3sunzzz: [aquarium exit] Excuse me ma'am, would you mind opening your bag? I beg your pardon?! OPEN YOUR BAG *opens bag and reveals two penguins*
@MensHumor: Halloween is, by far, the safest day to kill a person and leave them in a chair on your porch.