@IamEnidColeslaw: i was baptized in a car wash
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@SomthinBoutSara: I'm so stoned........ It took me three tries to turn out the bathroom light. Turns out the toilet flush handle does not control the lights.
@HeyZeus666: I lost a very dear friend and drinking buddy in a tragic accident this weekend. He got his finger caught in a wedding band.
@Karate_Horse: [tense situation in the war room] "Ok now type in the nuke codes EXACTLY as I say them or it'll blow.1-4-7-teen" CRAP [huge explosion]
@isabelzawtun: The local children surround me, trying to build a pyre. I'M NOT A WITCH, I shriek, my witch-like shrieking doing me no favours whatsoever