@PaperWash: I was bit by a radio active spider so now I wear a rubber suit, swing around like a monkey and use karate, you know, like a spider.
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@ericsshadow: [Target intercom] "Would the parent of a 9 y/o named Jack please pick up your son at security. We've told u for weeks this isn't a daycare."
@FilmsWeWant: The same plot as the Matrix, only the Matrix runs Windows. The system crashes on its own. The human race is saved by shitty programming.
@madcaplaughs30: This lady didn't know how to use the gas pump, so I winked at her and whispered "nobody does" while pouring gas into my jacket pocket.