@mortimermaiden: I was caught in a nuclear reactor with a jar of spiders in my pocket, so now I'm half man, half jar.
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@HelloJessicaFox: (My romance novel) “You have a pretty face,” he said. “Thank you,” she said, lifting up her bangs. “I’ve got even more face under here.”
@RamblingMachine: A truck with the slogan "We always go the extra mile" took the last parking spot so I wrote on it "because we missed the exit" as a revenge.