@Sal0630: I was close to becoming a rap god. But then 1 day my mom licked her thumb to wipe a smudge off my face as a kid & ruined all my street cred.
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@CM2BTTHD: Our dog runs away so much, I'm just going to spray paint our phone number on her side.
@dave_cactus: *watching James Blunt mouth "not you" to me after singing You're Beautiful in concert*
@TeaAndCopy: Me: Excuse me, where's the rowing boat equipment? Employee: Keep going down there, Oar Aisle. Me: … Employee: … Me: Or you'll what?