@thebeckyard: I was completely offended, but then you said "no offense," so now everything's cool.
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@DatManGood: My kid: "I want the new iPad like my friends, everyone has them" Me: "And I want to vacation in Hawaii..disappointing day all around huh?"
@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: I'm a really big cat person ME: *leans in really close* You don't look anything like a cat
@PaulyMosh: Grandma found out I'm single so I have roughly an hour to find a gf or Ill be getting the 'have you thought about being a priest' talk again