@thebeckyard: I was completely offended, but then you said "no offense," so now everything's cool.
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@treydayway: I stopped trying to be a thug when I found out there was something called a caramel Frappuccino.
@InThaBurbs: Taking my sunglasses out of 2's hands while he naps in the car is the closest I will come to diffusing a bomb.
@ilovepie84: The Tin Man carries around an axe because he is constantly afraid Ironman is going to hit on his wife.
@DeronH: A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked me "Where were you between four and six?" I replied, "Kindergarden"