@TheSeanBrewster: I was feeling depressed, then saw a guy with one arm and thought "oh man, I could be getting so much more sympathy if I was missing an arm!"
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@VerbsRProudest: Board Game 10: *reading card* Mama! Name 3 rappers! GO! Me: Saran, aluminum foil, & cellophane! *beaming* 10: *laughing* OMG! Me: What?
@michaeljhudson: Whoops, pizza sauce on my hands. Better wash this off with soap and water. Oh poop on my ass? I'll just use this dry paper and call it good.
@Sickayduh: Good cop: WHAT ARE YOU DOING - HE WAS UNARMED Dog cop: *plants a vacuum cleaner on body*