@TheSeanBrewster: I was feeling depressed, then saw a guy with one arm and thought "oh man, I could be getting so much more sympathy if I was missing an arm!"
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@Death_Buddy: I have a cut on my leg Doc "Yeah that legs gotta go sir" But its a tiny cut "Sorry, I cant save it" *sharks fake doctor outfit falls off*
@KeetPotato: [sex-ed lesson] now, unroll the condom down over the bana- what is it keith? "i ate my banana"
@13spencer: After Captain America was thawed from the ice, his first encounter with a Japanese-American must've been really awkward.
@HatfieldAnne: Him: Watch your language at dinner tonight. Me: So you want less Tarantino... H: ...and more Seuss. M: Gotcha. No swearing. Lots of rhyming.