@BatBatshitcrazy: I was going to pay my mortgage this month, but I was asked to bring guacamole to the family potluck.
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@Iwriteforcats: Pharmacies could save a lot of hassle and just have customers walk through a denim detector to see if they're cooking meth.
@jimmytorosian: [commercial] Narrator: These are real people and not actors- Actor watching the commercial: *throws lamp at TV* WE'RE PEOPLE TOO!
@Just_BCS: Wine - you're gonna sleep good Beer - you're probably going to hit on your cousin. Whiskey - everyone will see your genitals.
@EndhooS: Where are you going? "Ice fishing" You know you can just buy ice at the store right? "No I mean th..." Or just freeze some water even...