@BatBatshitcrazy: I was going to pay my mortgage this month, but I was asked to bring guacamole to the family potluck.
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@Skoogeth: [literally every petting zoo] Zookeeper: wanna pet a goat? Me: [shrugs] I guess Zookeeper: k cool. Cuz we got, like, 90% goats here.
@Reverend_Scott: [Russian class] Um, why did I fail this test? Teacher: You just wrote in English and added "ski" to the end of the words... I knowski.