@JesKeepSwimming: I was going to spend the next 6 years studying medicine to become a doctor. Then I realized I could just like Facebook photos to save lives.
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@themiltron: [the invention of money] i want your stuff "it's mine tho" what if i gave you a hard circle or a long paper "hmmm"
@TylerFoFyler: I'm not saying I did terrible things last night, but Satan just woke up on my couch and won't make eye contact.
@EyeSeeYou619: [country music plays in elevator] ME: I hate Toby Keith HIM: This isn't Toby Keith ME:(leans into his face) I don't give a shit who this is