@novicefather: I was gonna put on my cowboy hat and sit on my patio shirtless to showcase my abs when I realized I don't own a cowboy hat, a patio, or abs.
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@cbdoubleu: Not to brag, but I have the high score on 7 different blood pressure machines around the city. *enters initials
@yoyoha: If you love someone: 1. Set them free 2. Drunk dial them 3. Read too much into their FB posts 4. Make them feel sorry for you 5. Die alone
@itsboyschapter: My mother always told me "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"...and some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them.