@novicefather: I was gonna put on my cowboy hat and sit on my patio shirtless to showcase my abs when I realized I don't own a cowboy hat, a patio, or abs.
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@AimeeHelene1: To the person that put "SMILE" as their name on the printer... I will not!! In fact, I will hunt you down and force you to watch me frown.
@HollyHeals: I'm doing it doggy style today. Lying on the couch not doing a damn thing. I will bark if you knock on the door.
@elle91: A haiku to my boss who asked me to work this weekend: Ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha no