@novicefather: I was gonna put on my cowboy hat and sit on my patio shirtless to showcase my abs when I realized I don't own a cowboy hat, a patio, or abs.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@realHamOnWry: Kids should think twice about threatening to run away from home. It only fills their parents with false hope.
@VodkaThursday: When her friend visits, my 2yr old just wants to hug her a lot... & keep her away from the toys. I feel that way about my friends & my vodka