@itshotterhere: I was gonna take a selfie, but I just checked the mirror and I still have the same face.
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@imence2: "I'm sure if I show my gf my Twitter, she'll understand it's just for fun." Said a bunch of now single guys.
@david8hughes: If your dog & your baby are fighting, it's important to leave them to it so that a pack leader can be established.
@frogbunnie: 6:There's a monster under my bed Me:That's silly! There's no such thi..OH GOD IT'S EATING MY ARM 6:SCREAMS ME:KIDDING it only eats kids
@KalvinMacleod: ME: you know what they say, curiosity killed the cat CAT: that's awful why would they say that? ME: really? CAT: *dies*