@1Happytwit: I was highly offended until I realised HR were calling me incompetent and not incontinent.
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@MehrangizC: That awkward moment when both your knees are bruised, but all you did was gardening..
@flashember: [Worm sitting alone] WAITER: Dinner for 1? Dumb question W: But- *worm cuts self in half* *waiter shrieks* 2nd WORM: I'll have the prime rib
@BuckyIsotope: PRO TIP: Stall your execution by asking if the lethal injection chemicals are gluten-free.