@1Happytwit: I was highly offended until I realised HR were calling me incompetent and not incontinent.
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@P_o_n_k: CELLMATE: What are you in for? ME: Bad shit, man. [Flashback to me duct taping harmonicas to hand dryers in the McDonald's bathroom]
@GianDoh: Somewhere, a real Nigerian prince is sitting at his computer wondering, "Why oh why does nobody reply to my emails?"
@QwertyJones3: [Playing piano to impress a Russian girl] "Do you like it?" Her: That's sheet music "Yes, it is." Her: Now excuse me, I huv to take a sheet.