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@SkinnerSteven: I was hooked on auctions after only going once ...going twice
@TheWhaleFacts: Unlike a Caterpillar, a whale won't turn into a beautiful butterfly.
@OnlyFastEddie: I had my ring finger removed just to be safe.
@slimmy_shady: I hate when I give people nicknames like "stupid face" on my phone and I cant remember who the stupid face is.
@Weird_Rash: Just got arrested for racing my Segway wearing an adult diaper and a Viking helmet. Still not clear which law I broke.
@TragicAllyHere: People who put a strip of bacon on a donut, where does it end? You wanna put a braised lambshank on my cupcake? Why don’t I open up my chocolate croissant and you can shove a live trout in it