@TheReal_AndyMac: I was in a 3rd grade talent show and told a few jokes. I quickly got escorted off the stage because I'm 30 and should be at work.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@tastefactory: I left a trail of rose petals leading to the bed and on the bed was a note that said "This is what happens to roses who cross me"
@OutOfLeftField_: Suddenly had the urge to lay on the floor and do stomach crunches. Then I found some bubble wrap and that urge went away.
@phaggots: [ouija board] Spirits im in need of your help O N L Y I F Y O U H E L P U S Sure W T F I S Y O U R W I F I P A S S W O R D
@Jesssicle: Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.