@TheReal_AndyMac: I was in a 3rd grade talent show and told a few jokes. I quickly got escorted off the stage because I'm 30 and should be at work.
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@QwertyJones3: WIFE: Your tree puns make me sick ME: Well you make me sycamore. Why don't you leaf.
@KenJennings: There's nothing more disturbing than the 1st time you hear someone you know using their "whooo's a good dog" voice.
@aligarchy: sorry i'm late, i have terrible time management skills and zero perception of distance as it pertains to speed of travel
@TheAlexNevil: If you hear one of the high piano keys repeating slowly, you’re either watching a trailer for a horror movie, or you are a parent.