@coketruck76: I was in a band called Click Bait. You won't believe the kind of music we recorded. Track number 5 will blow your mind.
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@mutedclamor: I thought this hot Egyptian chick was hitting on me but she was just trying to lure me into a pyramid scheme. :(
@Terdoh: I typed "Cigarettes" in the search bar and it said "No Matches". The universe has spoken.
@Crutnacker: Biden: I told him that we call in attacks on countries by blocking them on Twitter. O: Joe... Biden: Trust me.
@KeetPotato: [schmoozing at fancy dinner] me: im a private investigator wife: you're allowed to say gynaecologist, keith me: people are eating, linda