@coketruck76: I was in a band called Click Bait. You won't believe the kind of music we recorded. Track number 5 will blow your mind.
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@topaz006: *drives up to liquor store door, honks horn *wine jumps off shelf, hops into my car *speeds off
@TheTweetOfGod: The good news is, Tony Abbott says Australia may have spotted two pieces of the plane. The bad news is, Tony Abbott says a lot of things.
@rickolantern: I'm NOT Superman. What appears to be a red and yellow S on my chest is just the result of a rather fortuitous mustard and ketchup stain.
@chuuew: [pulled over] COP: Did you know you were speeding? ME: I didn't even know I was driving COP: Out