@mina_baileyy: I was in a serious relationship once. We never even smiled.
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@ArfMeasures: [Couple saying their vows in church] ME *stands up* I know why these two should not be wed. SHE'S ALREADY MARRIED! EVERYONE *gasps* ME: AND SO IS HE! EVERYONE *gasps* COUPLE: Yeah we're renewing our vows ME *sits down* I did not know that
@DomBorrett: Christmas is becoming more and more commercialised every year. Pushing up prices in every sector This tweet is brought to you by Tesco
@SortaBad: Workin hard. Putting my nose to the grindstone. Grinding away that nose. Barely any nose left now. Whole face messed up. Due for a promotion