@kelkulus: I was in a serious relationship once. We never even smiled.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Dirty_Naomi: I sleep with a knife under my bed in case I can't open my midnight snacks. It also comes in handy if people try to steal them.
@WheelTod: [First Date] Me: “I’m afraid I don't trust myself around you” Her (flirtatiously): “Oh, stop it” Me: “I bought a laptop on your credit card while you were in the bathroom.”
@dulcetry: One time I saw a biker's funeral procession and realized even dead people are cooler than me.
@ShortSleeveSuit: [speed dating] Her: Nice to meet you Me [on meth]: I HAVE MISUNDERSTOOD THE SITUATION