@wolfpupy: i was just about to ramp my car off a cliff into the ocean but then i remembered someone had told me to drive safe earlier
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@sock_holliday: [Doctor's Office] Doctor: The bad news is you have 3 months to live. Me: What's the good news? Doctor: You should make it til Shark Week
@FlashShumway: Sorry man I cant come over. Im busy playing nunchucks "Dont you mean playing WITH nunchucks?" No? *tosses another nun off the overpass*
@Tommytoughstuff: ME: (ordering for my date) What do you recommend for the lady? HOT DOG VENDOR: Hot dogs.