@Phoebetate: I was just accosted by a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain't got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
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@tastefactory: [killer enters home in middle of night] ME: Who goes there? KILLER: Haha ME: What KILLER: Who still says "Who goes there" ME: Ok laugh it up
@vikkaroni: My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
@thesulk: "Wanna pop a xanax in the Civic and kayak with mom and dad at noon?" "Can't. Scared." "Of the water?" "No. Palindromes."
@DirtMcTurd: Two things you need to know about me: 1. I am hung over. 2. Sometimes I say the word over for no reason.