@CatherineLMK: I was just outsmarted by a revolving door but sure, I'll be your baby's godmother.
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@Reverend_Scott: Carl: Gonna be a hot one today. Me: Tell me something I don't know. Carl: Male ostriches can roar like lions. Me: Fair enough, Carl.
@mybigblondelife: If they just built prisons out of the shit they package electronics in, no one would ever escape.
@ka_unplugged: There are two types of people on Twitter. Those who can take a joke, and those who will copy it and claim it as their own