@twelveyearsold: i was just roughed up by a hipster bully. he gave me a knuckle sandwich, but also offered a gluten free alternative
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@notacroc: [spelling bee] JUDGE: your word is taco ME: four please JUDGE: we're not- ME: with chips JUDGE: ordering ME: *lips on mic* extra guac
@inmynewskin: I’m going on an all breadcrumb diet because I’ve never seen a duck with a double chin.
@BigGucci_Idz: It's funny when guys say "treat your girl right or I will" lol if you could treat girls right then where is your girl?
@ComedySpeech: Sharks aren't the bad guys. If some stranger entered my house in just a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.