@twelveyearsold: i was just roughed up by a hipster bully. he gave me a knuckle sandwich, but also offered a gluten free alternative
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@smedlee: The worst thing about when someone tells you to chillax is what to do with their corpse.
@iamspacegirl: "Makin all the ladies drop they panties" I brag, pulling the fire alarm at Victoria's Secret.
@DaddyJew: Beauty and the Beast is my favorite movie about how beauty is only skin deep. What's important is that you're rich & you have a giant castle
@mikeleffingwell: Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they're singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.