@twelveyearsold: i was just roughed up by a hipster bully. he gave me a knuckle sandwich, but also offered a gluten free alternative
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DancesWithTamis: Let me get this straight. The guy was raised by animals in the jungle with no human contact whatsoever and he named himself George?
@xeyednpainless: If you tell me to "chillax," I will "chillstab" you and "chillaugh" while you bleed to "chilldeath."
@Sassafrantz: [date] Me: Are you a serial killer? You have to tell me if you are. Him: That's a cop. Me: Changing the subject, just like a serial killer
@XGroverX: I don't know why smokey the bear carries a shovel, but it scares the shit out of me.