@samfromks: I was left alone for 3 hours and I almost cut my hand off trying to open a banana.
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@shutupmikeginn: Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon
@qwertying: Airport Security: has anyone put anything in your luggage without your knowledge, sir? Sir: How the hell am I supposed to answer that?
@bracealmighty: My mate called me an idiot for always getting my idioms wrong but it takes one to know someone.
@TheAlexP: Rapunzel is my favorite story about a girl who would do anything to have her hair pulled.