@samfromks: I was left alone for 3 hours and I almost cut my hand off trying to open a banana.
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@trevso_electric: If you see a woman holding Fifty Shades of Grey, smile and say "congratulations on your first book!"
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Notice how women didn't complain when they did an all-male version of Sex & The City called Entourage.
@MandaPie1981: Is that a burrito in your pocket or are you happy to see me? I'm cool if it's a burrito.
@dafloydsta: Doc: I'm afraid you got 6 months to live Me: Why are YOU afraid? Doc: I'm not Me: You said you were Doc: I lied. You got a month. HAPPY NOW?