@NottaBigDeal: I was listening to my wife argue with our 5 y/o. I didn't want to tell her he was right so karate chopped the TV to create a diversion.
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@Shanehasabeard: There's a lady at work named Lillian Llewellyn who carries a briefcase and I like to imagine it falling open and spilling a bunch of L's
@outsmartedmommy: 7yo: Did you drink coffee before we were born? Me: Yes 7yo: Did you eat pancakes? Me: Yes 7yo: What didn't you do? Me: Talk while peeing.
@OBiiieeee: HOLD YOUR HORSES. TELL YOUR HORSES YOU LOVE THEM. DONT BE TOO STRICT WITH YOUR HORSES OR THEY'LL DATE OLDER HORSES GET TATTOOS & HAVE PONIES
@pleatedjeans: [standing in driveway with wife] I thought we agreed on a Prius [giant eagle pecks at saddle] NO THIS IS BETTER