@NottaBigDeal: I was listening to my wife argue with our 5 y/o. I didn't want to tell her he was right so karate chopped the TV to create a diversion.
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@jonnysun: whenever i watch the tv show Friends, i imagine im the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him
@qqnqui: Skipped the gym today to go to McDonald's. The bus did not come back, so I had to walk 2 miles home. Well played, universe.
@underchilde: I haven’t smoked in years, but I still carry a lighter around in case I’m ever in the mood to set someone on fire.
@Pro_Jones_: (Art Museum) Me:*sees nature painting* *pulls out sharpie* *draws sun in the top left corner* My 5th Grade Art Teacher: *thumbs up* nice