@NottaBigDeal: I was listening to my wife argue with our 5 y/o. I didn't want to tell her he was right so karate chopped the TV to create a diversion.
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@Fred_Delicious: Good cop: u want a drink? Good cop 2: I love your shirt Good cop 3: ur so ripped dude Good cop 4: the bad cops are striking today, handsome
@moooooog35: Wife [walking into house]: Ummm.. Me: [recreating "You Better Shape Up Scene" from Grease with my dog dressed as Sandy]: You're home early.
@IamEnidColeslaw: my favorite game is called "Secret Family." I go to the movies & sit near a group of strangers & pretend they love me
@djdarrellripley: Him: I'd be happy to (using finger quotes) screen the applicants. Me: I'd be happy to (using finger quotes) testify in the harassment suit.