@niks27_shah: I was never a photogenic person, because when everyone said cheese I said "WHERE ?"
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@realHamOnWry: Putting a light in the refrigerator is God's way of telling us that it's okay to eat before going to bed.
@liv_thatsme: If I get nervous for a date, I just imagine the guy in his underpants, sitting on my couch for the next 40 years, & suddenly I'm annoyed
@sarcasm_inc: [a spider watching soccer when someone kicks a ball into the net] hell yeah, now eat it
@blimeyguvnor: I got the lyrics wrong and partied like it's 1599. Now my kitchen smells like roast peacock and I can't get this horse off my couch