@niks27_shah: I was never a photogenic person, because when everyone said cheese I said "WHERE ?"
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@XplodingUnicorn: The U.S. Army developed a pizza that stays good for 3 years. Finally, those billions in military spending paid off. Your move, Al Qaeda.
@MandiAtRandom: If he calls you clingy, move in immediately without warning and decorate his bed with 57 throw pillows
@toastymoe: Me, at food counter: Those bacon burger sliders look delicious, 3 please . Her: Sir, those are calves and piglets & this is a petting zoo!
@Thynebear: I imagine Hell is just a place where you watch a montage of people's hands you've shook that didn't wash them after they used the bathroom.