@ericonederful: I was on a date and my credit card got declined. Her credit card got declined too. Then I knew I was in love.
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@shariv67: You can blame those "meddling kids" all you want. But let's face it. Your entire plan was to dress up like a ghost.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [gathers around casket and see's it's full of gatorade] uh oh, then that means [grandma's body is being dumped over the winning coach]
@Playing_Dad: [Rappers job interview] Boss: What is your biggest weakness? Me: My rhyme game is weak. I can't speak. I'm a geek. Birds have feathers.
@teacup_giraffe: Walk up to the guy with a popped collar and spiked hair & say "What's up, Chad?" & he'll be all "Whoa... How'd you know my name, bro?"