@DanLaMorte: I was on a date with a girl and she said "did you notice my finger nails?" And I was like "yes" and she was like "well I have no arms"
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@internetluke: [talking to bouncer] Me:let me in Bouncer: not after last time Me:would a Washington convince you? Bouncer: no George Washington: c'mon man
@SoulYodeler: When coining nicknames, be sure it reflects how that person has impacted your life. For example, my two sons Buzzkill and Third Mortgage.
@Deirdreocx: If you're ovulating and have sex standing up... Is it called a standing ovulation? Asking for a friend