@MiSsSnObBy: I was pregnant in High School BEFORE it became popular....
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@dafloydsta: [therapy] ME: *in tears* So anyway, that's why I think she left me PERSON ON ELEVATOR: Please, I have a family
@Sickayduh: [Cruise ship] "HELP! THIS MAN HAD A HEART ATTACK" - I think I can help *frantically covers him in all the life vests* cmon do your stuff
@wandering_leaf9: *Me & dog* *duel for the last piece of chicken* *tosses a stick to distract* *fetches the stick* *chicken is gone* Well played Peanut...!!
@SoVeryBritish: Trains delayed due to: - Wrong kind of sun - Ominous cloud - Slightly damp leaf - Chilly track - Suspicious gravel - Sarcastic swan