@Black__Elvis: I was raised by my grandfather clock because my biological clock was never there.
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@KentWGraham: I’m starting to think my wife is only having sex with me to improve her FitBit stats.
@frenchielaboozi: a lady was like "can you believe he's 14 months old already" and i am like you know what i can cause you post a pic of him every single day
@jumpdashark: "I don't think you're ready for this jelly." ~ me talking shit to my peanut butter sandwich.