@Black__Elvis: I was raised by my grandfather clock because my biological clock was never there.
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@gingerfaced: [arrives in heaven] how'd you die? me: i was sitting in a beanbag chair and my house caught on fire
@XplodingUnicorn: Friend: Would you ever get a tattoo? Me: Never Him: You're afraid to make a permanent mistake. Me: *looks at my 4 kids* Way ahead of you.
@sixfootcandy: Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.