@JD_Barney: I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"
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@sweet_toof: Me: ..and a small sprite. McDonald's Girl: Want a large? All sizes are only $.99 Me: I ASKED FOR SMALL YOU DIABETES PEDDLER ok gimme a large
@MavenofHonor: [during lull in conversation] maybe people who say the earth is flat are thinking of maps
@murrman5: [roommate watching me get ready] dont take that with you "why not" why would you "it'll be fine" [hour into date and I spill my bag of ants]