@JD_Barney: I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"
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@tuckerflodman: Dad: I'm so hungry. Me: Hi, so hungry I'm son! *Dad turns head very slowly* [camera cuts to Dad patting down pile of dirt with shovel]
@psybermonkey: Duolingo [1 day] You forgot to practice [1 week] We miss you [1 month] Fine good luck flirting with french girls you monolingual crétin
@FrogAvalanche: "To be is to do" - Socrates. "To do is to be" - Nietzsche. "Do be do be do" - Sinatra. "Beep beep beep" - R2D2.
@Schmoodles: Me: When does karaoke start? Him: Never. Me: But I put my "I ? Karaoke" t-shirt on. Him: We noticed. Me: This is the worst funeral ever.