@HousewifeOfHell: I was really getting my act together--eating right, exercising regularly, looking hot, feeling strong, and doing good work. Then I woke up.
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@Cheeseboy22: I just pulled two buckets that were stuck together apart by myself, so someone might want to let the guy that recruits Avengers know.
@Cpin42: Cop: Can you describe the man who stabbed you? Me: He kept going like this [stabbing motion]
@ghostkrogh: Me (digging a hole): how's this? My clone: at least 6 feet deeper Me: you sure there's treasure? My Clone: toss me up your keys bud