@mattZillaaaa: I was really upset today but then a friend said "don't be upset" so now I'm not upset anymore
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@1Bad_Scientist: Neighbor: Help I have a plumbing emergency! Me: *grabs tools* Neighbor is naked and wet Me: um what kind of plumbing are we talking about?
@SortaBad: "Click to read this man's secret to incredible 6 pack abs!" *click* article: hard work, diet, & exercise me: I have never felt more betrayed
@Fred_Delicious: History Trivia: In many photographs of Hitler,a golden retriever wearing a Nazi uniform can be seen. This is notorious war criminal Herr Bud
@CMFC99: Eventually you're going to achieve self awareness in a padded cell, staring at your palm, realizing twitter was just all your personalities