@mattZillaaaa: I was really upset today but then a friend said "don't be upset" so now I'm not upset anymore
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@BassoonJokes: RIP that guy in the audience of the eric clapton unplugged session whose head literally exploded when he realized the song was "layla"
@RickAaron: I made an appointment for laser hair removal then remembered that I don't have any laser hair.
@JaneBadall: Online relationships - For when you want to be disappointed by imaginary people, too.