@ClaytonSykes: I was simply stating that your crying child MIGHT fit comfortably in the overhead compartment, lady. #butseriously
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@AaronFullerton: Really, every section of the greeting card aisle could be called "Societal Obligation."
@DirtMcTurd: [friend being eaten by a bear] *screaming violently* Me: Stay calm! Don't move so much! I'm trying to take a picture for snapchat!
@nerdonfire1: Apparently, the words "I'd still hit it" are words best kept to yourself at a funeral
@Chumpstring: [car dealership] ME: [not savvy] i need a new car SALESMAN: what kind ME: car SALESMAN: haha what kind of car ME: [perspiring freely] new