@DirtyySouthMess: I was singing in the gym shower & the girl in the one beside me started singing along & then suddenly my life became this weird, naked duet.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: When your friend tells you she's thinking about adopting and you get really disappointed when you find out she means a human.
@AnOrangeSNES: Please follow the instructions 1) Read all instructions 2) Sacrifice a goat 3) Cut off your fingers 4) Eat glass 5) Only do number one
@JervanF: I can't wait till I have kids so I can drive slowly past McDonalds and tell them there's food at home when they ask for some..