@DirtyySouthMess: I was singing in the gym shower & the girl in the one beside me started singing along & then suddenly my life became this weird, naked duet.
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@AristotlesNZ: Me: You put the "cow" in "coworker" Her: Excuse me?? Me: It's a joke format. Her: I'm telling HR.. Me: Ok but I doubt they'll get it either.
@girlontapas: People without kids who give other people's kids messy or annoying toys.. Imagine that we gave you a monkey with a kazoo and fingerpaints..
@cloudypianos: "someday this will all be yours" I say to my dogs, waving my arms wildly across a half empty plate of mexican food