@DirtyySouthMess: I was singing in the gym shower & the girl in the one beside me started singing along & then suddenly my life became this weird, naked duet.
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@usermcuserface: (Knock) Do you have a minute to talk about the lord? Me: (doesn't say a word, just dances the Macarena without breaking eye contact)
@torrami: Our wifi is down and I had to fap using only my imagination like some kind of savage :(
@Tadicles: When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music" , but when I do it I'm "wasted" and "have to leave the Hardware Store"
@Reverend_Scott: [sees cute girl jog by] "Imma run up and ask her out" [one block later still not caught up] "Ok, wow, we probably weren't soul mates anyway"