@DirtyySouthMess: I was singing in the gym shower & the girl in the one beside me started singing along & then suddenly my life became this weird, naked duet.
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@DirtMcTurd: Ex (trying to make me jealous): I'm going to a party, everyone's drinking, laughing, and having fun! Me: that'll all stop once you show up
@BeTheCookie: At what age do you have THE talk with your daughter about how she is not the princess of anything and she'll need to get a job. Is it 6?
@TuffyNyC: If they took all the money spent on making Godzilla movies, they could've probably just made an actual Godzilla by now.
@AlexvanBeek: I would've thrown a coin in the water fountain and wished for all the money in it, but I just waited 'til it was dark instead.