@Kirangandhi: I was so depressed dat my ATM displayed someone else's balance to cheer me up
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@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "How many fingers am I holding up?" Ian: "err... 13..." Doc: "Yeah. Some of these are yours. You've been in a serious accident."
@1evilidiot: Just heard the phrase naturally boneless chicken and that'll keep me awake tonight.
@ThePocketJustin: Don't you hate it when you misjudge a moment of silence and lean in for a kiss. Worst police interrogation ever.
@Jenny4ashley: Boss: Are you high? Me: If I was high could I do this? *teleports two inches to the right*