@Stella1070: I was so excited. Thought I found an M&M at the bottom of my purse. It was only an earbud. I ate it anyway.
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@joejwest: [pet shop] ME: I'm looking for a dog that can talk OWNER: Try this one ME: [to dog] Can you talk? DOG: No ME: My search continues
@Fred_Delicious: I bet Lincoln is looking down like "dude, trust me, that is not a bad night in a theater"
@funnyoneliners: I want my children to be independent headstrong people. Just not while I'm raising them.
@Tw1tter_K1tten: Pretty cute that my husband wanted to role-play that I was his maid and then not break character for 14 years.