@Sassafrantz: I was so surprised when he said those three little words to me: "You're embarrassingly bad at math. This is over."
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@noogscorner: Pick something up. You just applied more force on that object than the gravity of an entire planet. Earth, do you even lift?
@kelkulus: A dating app called "Hinder" where some guy shows up in the middle of every date and ruins everything.
@slaughthie: My coworker was like "I love kids! Can't finish a whole one by myself though hahaha!" And I was just like wow I could easily eat like 5.