@WheelTod: I was so touched last week when a shopkeeper handed my 3yo a donut without checking with me, that today I gave his teen a bag of heroin.
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@hasht4g: Taco Bell doesn't have a playground because kids that eat Taco Bell can't climb, or run.
@Leslie_Annie: Twitter is perfect for extroverted introverts. I want to be social & have lots of friends but I don't want to leave my house. Or wear pants.
@TheAlexNevil: *horror movie "The calls are coming from inside the house!" "Can you find out from where? I want some chips but I'm too lazy to get up."
@trevso_electric: Talking about your ex makes it sound like you're not over them. Hide their body and move on like a normal person.