@WheelTod: I was so touched last week when a shopkeeper handed my 3yo a donut without checking with me, that today I gave his teen a bag of heroin.
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@Fickle_Filly: It's rude to upstage the bride on her wedding day but that's exactly what's going to happen when I burst into flames as I enter the church.
@Book_Krazy: Boss: HR wants to see you Me: What for? Boss: Mandatory drug test Me: Oh man, I really can't do any more drugs after the weekend I had
@Sal0630: If you've never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive "to work" to get a chick to leave your house then you're not me.