@UnderTheJewFro: I was starving earlier so I opened up a beanbag chair. There were no beans, only styrofoam. Im furious, Im hungry and I have nowhere to sit.
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@warhorse76: Who invented Bull Riding? Hey, I'm gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me.
@jakob_huber: Villain: We meet again, Mr. Bond Bond: You don't remember my 1st name do you Villain: Sure I do. It's uh.. Bond: C'mon this is our 3rd fight
@Brampersandon_: [Cute Girl]: *in hot tub* Hey baby. Why don't you come join me? [Lobster]: No I'm good over here. That's how my dad died.
@daplusk: [on 1st date] Me: Have you ever flown to Paris on a private jet before? Her: No, I'd love to Me: Same Me: *shows photo of cat* this is Tim