@WheelTod: I was the beast man at my sister's wedding, and there isn't a day goes by that I don't wish that that was a typo.
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@kimlockhartga: I should get something accomplished, but the cat wants me to sit with him right now.
@QwertyJones3: [standing next to the boss at the urinal] Ok, don't act weird. "That's some impressive bladder volume, sir."
@Gooooats: Sometimes I correctly spell a word I expected to spell incorrectly and then I type some gibberish to make sure spellcheck is still working.
@sucittaM: If my name was Dave I'd text my friends today saying "IT'S FRIDAVE! LET'S PARTY!". They'd be sick of me by Tuesdave.