@WheelTod: I was the beast man at my sister's wedding, and there isn't a day goes by that I don't wish that that was a typo.
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@iwearaonesie: 9: Why are you hitting that spider? wife: I don't like spiders me: Ooooh *grabs newspaper* mother-in-law [leaving] I don't have to take this
@BillFienberg: If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it's considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it's called "cheating."
@JermHimselfish: I need to hire someone to follow me around and abruptly drag a needle across a record every time that I enter a room.