@SummerRay: I was the first person to install trampolines in musician's tour buses and now everybody is jumping on the bandwagon.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: Mom bod is what happens when you spend too many years cleaning the kids' plates. With your tongue.
@truegritrumble: MURDERER: *while murdering me* I feel like you're not taking this seriously. ME: *eating a Belgian waffle* Wut?
@Michael_Erhart: Girl: I only date guys who can ice skate and make puns. Me: *sighs and reluctantly starts putting on skates* "Figures."