@Nahdude83: I was thinking about robbing this sperm bank, but I think they've already seen me coming.
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@ShawnIzadi: Just overheard a guy say he was buying a MacBook so he doesn't have to worry about the Ebola virus. What.
@DuckhouseMedia: Me, December 2016: I'm going to buy this juicer and lose some weight in January Me, January 2017: I have eaten the juicer
@Marlebean: When a child whines and cries, you give it back to the mama, so... *hands husband back to my mother-in-law*
@Playing_Dad: [Noah's Ark] Noah: How will the animals reproduce? God: You took a male & female, right? Noah: YOU SAID BRING 2 YOU DIDN'T SAY 1 OF EACH SEX