@SondraDeeMe: I was told my $750 iPhone would improve the quality of my phone calls, but my family keeps calling telling me the same shit.
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@Prince_Smarming: Imagine my surprise when I found out "restraining order" did not mean she wanted me to tie her up.
@krisv_723: Him: Why are you wrapping me up like a burrito & how did you find a tortilla this big? Me: Shhh! This is my fantasy & burritos don't talk.
@nikkithecanuck: I must admit, my "Kiss Me, I Have The Zika Virus" T-shirt is giving me a lot of personal space inside this subway car.