@SondraDeeMe: I was told my $750 iPhone would improve the quality of my phone calls, but my family keeps calling telling me the same shit.
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@MikeCanRant: Dont trust any kids asking for bread this Halloween. Theyre more than likely just ducks dressed up as kids. I wont fall for that again.
@Smooheed: Got so drunk last night that I was able to translate three Pearl Jam albums into English
@BCMontgo: Boss: You're Me: Doing great? B: No, I'm letting you M: Have the corner office? B: go. M: Why? B: Constantly completing my sentences wrong.