@SondraDeeMe: I was told my $750 iPhone would improve the quality of my phone calls, but my family keeps calling telling me the same shit.
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@Bobinhiding: Sext I just received from my wife- "Wake up! You're snoring so loud on the couch, you may as well come to bed."
@Gooooats: It turns out no one likes "the real me" and they have asked the priest to reverse my exorcism.
@ProfaneDane: An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.
@Deirdreocx: If you're ovulating and have sex standing up... Is it called a standing ovulation? Asking for a friend